Relationships Are Hard Work
Understanding Relationship Patterns and Building Healthy, Lasting Connections
One of my focus points is relationships. Relationships are hard work, but actually we need to understand how we create the relationships we have, with our presence in the relationship. It is that idea of the experiment never really being a clean experiment without outside influence due to the presence of the witness and/or researcher. We come with so much history and experience into each relationship, and in this way we meet more of ourselves in our relationships.
At first everything is fantastic. We see the best in each other. Then old patterns emerge. Patterns from childhood and patterns from past relationships interfere. Out thinking and behavior starts creating drama. It becomes much more work. We start destructive patterns of behavior in our interactions. We don’t know what else to do.
Our relationship deteriorates into familiar patterns which feel stifling and old. Eventually this can escalate to a breakup, or a series of breakups; or simply stalemate.
If we could recognize and work with a few basic principles, whatever happens we can learn and grow and experience more compassion and less pain. The reality is that the work has to start with YOU. When you own what you do to create what you have, then you can change it. And sometimes the reality is that your partner doesn’t want to work with you, and painful choices have to be made.
This is not a quick-fix, this is a long process of working on the most important relationship there is; that of you with yourself.
I work with individuals or couples in relationships; I also work with people struggling to make decisions, or the fall out of decisions made by either party. These can be painful transitions for all of us.